A Very Silent Night
by Shelna
Summary: Sirius' bad month, and the silent night that made it all better than ever. A sweet little story. Possibly first part of longer fic, but stands alone.


A very silent night.

Sirius was having a bad day. A very bad day, in a bad week, in a bad month.

And when Sirius Black had a bad day, half the school was affected by it.

He sent more cruel comments, nastier looks and was in general worse to be around then any Slytherin.

The Sirius they knew seemed to have disappeared into a black hole- and left was this grumpy, antisocial look-alike, that barely ate, slept, or talked, and never smiled. He barely seemed to recognize, or care about, any of them.

James had barely managed to get a few muttered word out of him these last weeks, and Remus had gotten a word here and there, and almost a tiny smile.

After this, Peter had sat out to cheer Sirius up, and gained a black eye, and two broken ribs. James had given Sirius a black eye in return for that behaviour, and professor Hayes had given them both detention.

As the professor yelled at them, he had just stood there, and then walked away. Sirius knew he should feel guilty about it. Not so much for beating up Peter- that little rat had had it coming for ages. But for getting James in trouble- he knew it would haunt him later- but right now he simply could not have cared less.

There was no purpose to where he was heading- he just walked. Walked through the castle.. up some stairs.. through some hallways.. more stairs... more hallways... as he walked pass other students, he looked away, as if to avoid finding a reason to pick a fight.

Suddenly, he found himself in a corridor he couldn't remember, and his trained eyes noticed what had to be a secret door. It only took him a few minutes to figure out how to enter. Inside it was dark- and dusty. It was clear that here had no one been in years. He lit his wand, and realised there was nothing but a staircase there. Curious, and with noting else to do, he started walking upwards.

At the top of the stairs, he found nothing but a door. Stepping inside, he realized that this was one of the small towers. It was a circular room, not quite as dusty, but it seemed the air had been trapped in there for all those years since there had been people there.

Sirius quickly opened one of the many windows going all angles but towards the small room with the stairs.

This was really a remarkable place. Around the walls there where shelves between some of the windows, two divans and a large chair around a small table, and pillows and blankets trown around everywhere, as if someone had thrown a fit.

Sirius had finally found a place where he could be completely alone.

"Mornin', Sirius!" James tried, for the fifth time this week.

As usual, there was no reply.

Sirius did, however, sit down with them, between him and James. Remus was relived at this- though knew Peter wasn't. (He had gotten upset with Sirius, and wouldn't forgive him, strangely. Peter had always forgiven James and Sirius for anything.)

"Hey mate," James began, looking at Sirius, who didn't turn to look at him, but grabbed some toast, and seemed to be listening."Where were you last night?" James asked. "You weren't in your bed."

Sirius just shrugged.

"We were worried about you, you know.." Remus said, quietly, and Sirius sent him a somewhat kind look.

James, not noticing this, added: "This is the sixth time in two weeks! Where ever do you go?"

There was no reaction to this, Sirius just proceeded to cut his toast into crumbles.

"Here," Remus said, offering Sirius his tomatoes, knowing how he loved them. Usually he would be nagging Remus to get the tomatoes, but today he just looked at them, as if the idea of _eating_ was unnatural to him. "You have to eat, Sirius..." Remus told him, in a low voice, so the others didn't hear. Then he watched as Sirius slowly picked up a tomato, stared at it, as if it had done something to hurt him, and ate it. Same happened with the other three tomatoes.

Remus knew this was only done for his sake.

After having finished Remus' tomatoes, Sirius just sat there for a little while, then he disappeared, and they didn't see him for their lessons.

He didn't show up for lunch or quidditch practise either, but suddenly appeared at dinnertime. When he disappeared again, Remus hurried to look at their newest creation- the Marauders Map. He studied it, to see where Sirius went. He was a little surprised to see him disappear from the Map, but noted where it was he had been, and assumed he must have found a new place, the rest of them didn't know about.

When they went to bed, and Sirius wasn't back yet, Remus pulled out the Map again. There was no dot labelled Sirius Black, so he assumed he was still at the same place. He waited until the other two was asleep, then pulled out James' invisibility cloak. Slipping under it, he sneaked out of the dorm, without waking the others. If he had, he knew James would have insisted on coming with, and he also knew that he could help Sirius better, alone.

Why this was, he wasn't sure, but as he wandered through the hallways, he thought about the special connection there had always been between him and Sirius. They understood each other- knew how the other's mind worked. And there was something else as well- a bond, and unspoken love, that he doubted if James and Peter even knew about. Actually was he not even sure if _Sirius_ knew about it.

He rounded the corner and faced the hallway where Sirius had vanished. His experience in such things led him to find the secret door, and it didn't take him long to open it. As it closed behind him, Remus got insecure. What would he find? Did Sirius want him to come, or would he get angry?

He started walking the steps, and stopped outsides the door. He didn't need clairvoyance to realize there was someone in there- there was light coming from under the door- and something told him it was Sirius.

Remus took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing," he muttered to himself, and knocked on the door.

It was not hard to recognize the swearing coming from inside as Sirius'. Then there was foot steps, and Sirius opened the door. He stared right at Remus, then shook his head.

"To to bed, James." He said grumpily towards the top of the stairs. Remus quickly removed the cloak, and looked Sirius in the eyes. "It's not James, it's me." He said, quietly.

There was a shimmer going through Sirius' eyes, then he stepped aside, letting Remus in.

Looking around, Remus thought it was no wonder Sirius had been coming here all alone- it seemed perfect for solitude.

Sirius threw himself onto one of the divan, looking at Remus.

"Why did you come here?" He asked suddenly, in a low voice.

"I came because I care about you." Remus simply replied, walking over to Sirius.

"You're willing to take the chance of pissing me off, and ending up like Peter?"

"I'm not afraid of you. I am, however, scared _for_ you."

This remark seemed to take Sirius out of his guard. He sat up, and looked at Remus.

He, in turn, knelt down besides Sirius, laying a hand over his.

"Now, will you tell me what's wrong, or will I have to beat it out of you?"

At this, Sirius looked him deeply in the eyes a few moments. "It's my mother." He stated, then adding "and a broken heart."

"Let's not even talk about your mother- you are soon rid of her, if you want to. And when it comes to that broken heart- I can't imagine who you couldn't have." Remus shook his head.

"Rem, I.. it's a boy. I'm in love with a boy." Sirius muttered, looking away.

Remus took both his friends hands in his, still looking at him. "That complicates things. And you're raised to feel ashamed about that."

Sirius just nods, looking down at their hands, puzzled.

"So who is it? Adyn Calboury?" Remus asked, trying not to think about that day he and James had found Sirius playing tonsil-hockey with Adyn.

Sirius shook his head. "Adyn and I were just.. messing around. No, this is different. This is a _friend _ of mine, and I can't stop thinking about him..." His voice was low, but Remus could hear him perfectly.

"Oh, I defiantly know what _that_ is like. Having to see him every day, talk to him like you don't want to start crying every time you hear his voice.." Remus muttered, mostly to himself, and sighed.

Sirius looked at him in a puzzled way, again.

"You have the same problem, Moony?" he asked.

Remus nodded.

"Well.." Sirius began, heavily. "It's difficult. Eating with him, walking with him.. seeing him in the common room.. " his voice dropped, to barely more then a whisper. "having him sit so close to you, spelling the sent of him.. having him holding your hands when you're upset.."

"Wanting to ease his pain, but you can't say what you wish.. can't look to long into those beautiful eyes.." Remus muttered.

Sirius lifted his hand, and stroke it gently over Remus' cheek, who closed his eyes the moment Sirius toughed his face. Then slowly, laying his fingers under Remus' chin, he lifted his face up and towards him. "..not to kiss those sweet lips.." Remus muttered, eyes still closed.

There was no way now that Sirius could have controlled himself. As in a dream, he leaned down, and kissed 'those sweet lips'. Remus returned the kiss, and though it was no more than a shallow one, it sent tinklings through both their bodies. Remus opened his eyes, and looked at the boy sitting opposite him. He then shyly looked away, got up on his feet, and sat down on the divan in stead, next to Sirius.

It was clear now to both of them that they had two options- to make excuses and pretend it didn't mean anything, or admit that it _did_, that it did mean the world to both of them, and take it further.

Sirius didn't even think- he just took Remus' hand, and moved closer to him.

That settled Remus' mind, and he decided to take the risk- as not having Sirius now seemed even more unbearable then before. So when Sirius leaned over to try to kiss him again, he did the same, slightly parting his lips.

They just sat there, holding hands and kissing until the light of dawn, when they fell asleep in each others arms.

The next morning, when they arrived at breakfast way to late, hand in hand, more then one student nearly choked on their coffee. James, however, rolled his eyes at them. "It was about time!"


End file.
